The capture of Washington
Remembering America’s first embarrassing loss
by Katy Jean
August 24, 1814. James Madison, President of the United States of America, is running away from the nation’s capital of Washington.
The Battle of Bladensburg had just been won in Maryland by the British led by Major-General Robert Ross. It has been described as “the greatest disgrace ever dealt to American arms.”
The British were coming in hot off of fighting Napoleon. Because while the British were busy fighting against the biggest military forces on the planet at that time, America decided that was the time to invade the British colonies that made up current day Canada while they were battling Bonaparte.
Thomas Jefferson, former president, massive slaveholder and father of several children he also enslaved, said in 1812 conquering Canada was “a mere matter of marching.”
It was not.
But it did start a war that American history has comfortably deleted.
While James Madison flees Washington, American troops start rallying and are ready to fuck around.
What they don’t know is that Robert Ross and ships from Halifax were already on their way for the ‘find out’ portion of that euphemism.
Robert Ross wasn’t entirely sure that capturing Washington would even work.
They had just merry time FUBAR’ing one piece of American land, and they wanted to do it again that night.
Even with Halifax’s reinforcements, the British were low on artillery, energy, food, and everything else needed to successfully take over a nation’s capital.
Robert Ross and his men marched 50 miles inland to Washington on the same day they burned down Bladensburg.
Ross and his military buddies Vice-Admiral Sir Alexander Cochrane and Admiral of the Fleet Sir George Cockburn came into the city of Washington screaming LET’S BURN THIS MOTHERFUCKER DOWN.
Ross didn’t think burning this motherfucker down was the best course of action. He rode into Washington flying a flag of truce. He just wanted to talk.
Some American shot the horse he rode in on and it was time for the Americans to find out.
